Not that kind of person...

In my life I have prided myself on being a loving person, and one that appreciates others in my life, friends and family deeply. I would have gone on feeling that way, except that I lost my mother recently, and after her passing I began to realize that I had never let myself really appreciate the love she had for me. Oh I called and kept in touch and send packages at Christmas and birthdays and Mother's day. I thought I was good at showing my love, so that must mean I appreciated her, right? Wrong! After she passed the deep emptiness in my life that followed showed me so much about our relationship that I never realized. I thought I was supposed to spend my time giving love. It should have been equally about receiving love, because now I am missing the daily calls I had sometimes put off making. I realize I let the conversation always be about what I could do to cheer her up, rather than letting her cheer me. I always kept the upper hand in being the smarter, more knowledgable, wiser, more understanding person. Now I know she had so much to give, and so much to share, and I didn't take the time to let it in. So many times we let our conversations be about what was happening and how we wished we could change the world and people in it. And I never stopped to realize just how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. So with her passing she left me a gift. Now I want to examine my relationships with others again and allow them to change, to metophorph into being real exchanges, where love is the most important thing, love that flows between 2 people when they just pass the time of day. Love that can let the whole world of problems just fade away and the conversation just bring the smiles right out. So to my Mom,I know now you love me Mom, and I so appreciate that love! Thanks for our daily chats, our soft exchanges, the smiles I have whenever I think I need to call you, and then I realize that you already know what it is I would like to call you about! You support me even from afar, and I will see you again some day, I know! I will be ready then to feel your love for me, and appreciate it the right way!