Not that kind of person...

In my life I have prided myself on being a loving person, and one that appreciates others in my life, friends and family deeply. I would have gone on feeling that way, except that I lost my mother recently, and after her passing I began to realize that I had never let myself really appreciate the love she had for me. Oh I called and kept in touch and send packages at Christmas and birthdays and Mother's day. I thought I was good at showing my love, so that must mean I appreciated her, right? Wrong! After she passed the deep emptiness in my life that followed showed me so much about our relationship that I never realized. I thought I was supposed to spend my time giving love. It should have been equally about receiving love, because now I am missing the daily calls I had sometimes put off making. I realize I let the conversation always be about what I could do to cheer her up, rather than letting her cheer me. I always kept the upper hand in being the smarter, more knowledgable, wiser, more understanding person. Now I know she had so much to give, and so much to share, and I didn't take the time to let it in. So many times we let our conversations be about what was happening and how we wished we could change the world and people in it. And I never stopped to realize just how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. So with her passing she left me a gift. Now I want to examine my relationships with others again and allow them to change, to metophorph into being real exchanges, where love is the most important thing, love that flows between 2 people when they just pass the time of day. Love that can let the whole world of problems just fade away and the conversation just bring the smiles right out. So to my Mom,I know now you love me Mom, and I so appreciate that love! Thanks for our daily chats, our soft exchanges, the smiles I have whenever I think I need to call you, and then I realize that you already know what it is I would like to call you about! You support me even from afar, and I will see you again some day, I know! I will be ready then to feel your love for me, and appreciate it the right way!

The Content, Not the Vessel

Too many times when we are out and about in our daily lives and people watching, we tend to look at others in a judgemental way. My life these days is about noticing when I'm doing that, and opening my heart at that very moment for God to send me a different idea about others, and then replacing that attitude with what God would have me think, instead of judging. While I was away visiting in a large downtown area recently, I was noticing the different sizes and shapes of people, ways of dressing (or not) and ways that people carry themselves. I suddenly became aware that if someone walked by disheveled and smelly or slouching and smoking, I would tend to follow that with a thought of how I thought that person was, such as; not very smart, not very nice, or certainly not very spiritual. More and more I find myself really desiring to be free from the habit of looking at people that way, so I just opened my heart and waited for God to speak to it. The message I felt in my heart was that it is not the size, shape, color or texture of the vessel that determines the love that is held inside, it is their own connection, in their own heart, to God. Since no human being can see that with their own physical eyes, it is an error to think that we can know anything about another passing soul, just by looking at them. There is no way to judge another's soul without coming to know them well, and that only happens over time, and only by releasing judgement about them while getting to know them. In my heart God told me all people's hearts are equal to him, and that they actually all hold exactly the same amount of love. I am honored to let this message sink into my soul, won't you join me?